Korrey Smith

For those of you who know Korrey Smith, you’d be familiar with his meticulous wave evaluation system. This system, although slightly puzzling in its appearance, is a highly accurate procedure used to provide a basic account of a session on a scale of 1 to 10.

0/10 = onshore, below 1ft with heavy crowd. No chicks on beach, predicted precipitation and Choc on the peak. “Spewin!”
2/10 = onshore, solid 1ft with moderate to heavy crowd. No barrels or bowls. “This is fucked!”
4/10 = offshore, solid 2ft with 2.5ft sets. No more than 10 people on peak, occasional barrel and bowl. “Definitely worth getting wet.”
6/10 = offshore, 2-3ft with 5-10 people out. Barrels and solid wall for ample carves. “Fuck yeah some smokers out there.”
8/10 = offshore, 3-4ft conditions with minimal crowd. Barrels and bowls. “Bullshit and possibly the session of the year.”
10/10 = offshore, 4-6ft conditions, local crew with no Choc on peak. Big barrels and even bigger bowls. Chicks on the beach. “Holy shit, best I’ve ever seen, you blew it!”

Where the bloody hell were ya?

Pipe: - yes finally a few little cresters to talk about and splash around about. Today the fellas took over pipe with no humans in sight with fun 2-3ft conditions. Rights were the best they've been in years claimed russ. With russ's new board ready to roll i was designated photog for the morning and took some cool snaps of the fellas.

Factic not tactic.

Here’s an interesting but seemingly pointless fact that I read the other day. We’ve all gone to MySpace, frantically punched in our email address and password only to be slapped in the face with an almighty ‘this site is temporarily unavailable’ warning. Well, according to a bunch of scientists that have way too much time on their hands, the feeling of stress and anxiety associated with not being able to access your MySpace or Facebook account is equivalent to going for a job interview or going on a blind date. Interesting huh.

Russ.

Update.

We’re absolutely stoked with the amount of good feedback we’ve received lately. Over the last few months we’ve had over 10,000 views – a substantially higher amount than initially expected. Luckily we haven’t had to deal with any defamation cases as of yet, but I have been told that I’m sporting a “bad attitude” which is always great to hear. Just to clear things up, anything published on this website is intended as a mere joke and shouldn’t been taken seriously. If you’re unhappy with anything you’ve seen, please contact the MEAA or consult your nearest lawyer.

On a lighter note, our friends at ACS have announced they will be running busses to premiers including ROAM 2, Fire, Chicks and Thrash. Get in quick to book yourself a ticket! Also, “Hello” is now available at ACS so grab yourself a copy, I’ve heard there’s some insane surfing in it.


Russ.

Ladies, ladies, LADIES… look out! There’s a new man in town. Just back from his trip to Indo, the once dubbed Ian ‘fashion’ Osterloh has decided to dump the baggie blues and get in touch with his emotional side. Sporting some intense leather upholstery and spray on threads, the blokes at Husky Pub didn’t know what hit em'. Tozzies is pretty content with his new apparel, but admits it’s a dramatic change. "Yeah its amazing what one month with bunts and corpse can do to you. I was considering a tailor-made leather jacket but I just couldn’t get the dimensions right." Here’s a comparison. Check out the Khaki on Khaki in the first pic.

Stay tuned for the top 5 worst calls from Lance Clifford, featuring qoutes such as "did you see that quinnvert"... oh dear.

Russ.

Jackson Brown

Jackson Brown - The self-confessed cyber geek recently received a healthy tax return and blew it all on a Playstation 5… or is it 3? Word on the street is that he clocked up 7 hours of Grand Theft Auto last Sunday. Insiders say he only emerges from the dark confines of his house only to “check out the pub.” An exclusive interview with his new housemate Clifford revealed that Jacko has also installed an LCD screen in his truck, enabling him to play Crash Bandicoot III whilst at work. Jacko leaves on Friday for a gaming convention in Tokyo… best of luck man!

Russ.

UPLATE UPDATE: -

Ok so here's a new little segment if you will.. that were introducing possibly once a month. A brief update on the lives of JB residents, friends, aquintances and bloody ell ill throw it in.. all round good blokes who are doing things for the right reasons.

ps take not of not the 3 dress up party fashionistas in this photo above but the letter box.. yes thats right some young, vulgar, immature, dim witted, in-approachable juvenile has stolen our letter box. No idea why, just woke up one morning to find it missing.

Ian Osterloh: - Back from Indo with a vengence from what was deemed a sick trip away.. waves were similar to that of a well proportioned midget soo im assuming the nights out and chiks were surrounding the fellas like bees to hunny.

Korrey Smith: - Came out of hibernation on the w.e for the odd check at a secret location which lead to a 3hour discussion about life and girlfriends rather than scoring some tubes.. im not sure which Korrey enjoys most. The usual korrey stories insued with tales of last w.es east swell and John Showell doing the biggest tow to come out of culburra since ewan donnachies attemps in march this year.

Morgan Brown: - New ride in hand and absolutely loving it. Morgs hasnt parted with his new 09 forrester since the day he laid eyes on it. Youll see him rolling through the streets of huskisson soon to the sounds of Boys to Men, no doubt.

Adam Quinn: - Last seen or should i say always seen, procrasting getting a life by taking it easy at huskisson's various array of coffee shops with Angie in tow (little pup). Always scouting around and looking for that next little session worthy of crossing his legs. He also admitted to the fellas on the w.e whilst talking about everyones secret little girlfriend missions - "if i ever get a chick fellas im bringing her out to meet you all straight away, none of this secro shit".

Lance Hurford: - Running riots in Sanctuary point lately dropping off chiks at under 18's disco's, seems to be the life lance reakons. No waves and no money lance seems to be getting edgier every day, not participating in this afternoons social outing to the bakery.. judged harshley upon by all Husky scene kid coffee adicts.

Shawn Macauley: - Getting his resume together and its pretty tight.. toight like a tiger even. Although with some decent pipe sessions through the week shawny clocked up 0 capturable waves.. showing some amazing form he backed it up by missing the next day to watch some Show jumping at the local pony club.

Kim Zammit: - According to most sources... mainly Korrey "storey" Smith, Zamm has been spending a bit of time with his new GF from that lovely town of sussex. "Everyone's always soo co-vert about chiks, i just wanna meet someones chik for once" Ad Quinn exclaimed on the w.e - possibly a bit of irony in that sentence.

Wednesday night

"You guys haven’t updated that thing in ages, this is fucked!" Yes, sorry to all those crazed fans out there (Lance), but we’ve been lazier than Jackson Brown on a Sunday afternoon. Last Wednesday was Dicko’s 20th so we all headed up to Wollongong for a night out on the shoestring. After some rigorous ping pong in Dickson’s attic, we made our way to Master Builders where the illegalities began. After a few Sara Burns write-offs on Russ from the usual suspects, we decided on a few casual games of pool. All was sweet until the human Dick missed a crucial shot in the pocket and decided to snap the pool cue over his knee. We fled the scene and headed for town… the perfect crime.

After caving in the bonnets of a few cars and hurling abuse at evening joggers, we finally arrived at glassy where there was CHICKKKKS (premiere 17th October) everywhere! Even the elusive Georgina and Casey Fisher made the trek up from Vini (much to the delight of Ad) and joined in on the action. After some constructive criticism (mostly from Lance), Ad made some adjustments to his dancing routine… but unfortunately it didn’t pay off leading to his customary quote “there’s just no point, there’s no chicks!”

After some inaudible phone calls from Dick and a text message reading “Gueh home fuk” I realized that the others had pulled the pin on ‘operation hookup’. Following some trash talk outside Coonies I was swiftly abducted by two females. A quick glance at the number plate “SEA-YA” reassured me that it was Kiz and Mealz. We refueled with some amber liquid and hit the castors dfloor. Kiz hooked in nice, until the unidentified man removed his shirt in a strip-type manner. All that was needed was a brief “SEEYA” from Kiz and the bloke got the message.

All in all it was a sick night with not too many neg-outs. Stayed tuned for the photos!

Russ.

The Jezabels

Liberteen Ranch Last w.e: - wow insane night and there vid footage to prove it. This video which i found on the jezables myspace site is worth watching if not for the pure entertainment but the amazing proof that james dixon does own every dance floor he touches. Wait for the end when he yells in the mik "Jezabels, Liberteen Ranch... James Dixon Yeah" way too funny. Also here is a pic of Adam being a massive groupie with jezabels lead singer.


THE JEZABELS from FLAMES YATES on Vimeo.

Dicko's Bday, 3 way action and Lance's lefts

JAMES DIXON: - Glasshouse dance floor extrodinaire, acid's regulator, crazy hot relatives.. Call him what you will this kids got class but the bucket load just observe him on any wednesday night in town if you dont believe me. Wollongong night life this wednesday will be playing host to Dicko's bday so plenty of dancing and 151's are nodoubt to be on the cards. Ad's, Russ, Lance Clifford and Morgan "im always in this blog" Hives have all reported to be attending.

3 Ways: - Friday night served up a cold reminder of the deplorable winter that just passed. So whats the best way to cure such blizzardous conditions... a 3 way. Im talking about dating ofcourse you sick minded freaks. Veteran Dater's Russ and Shawn decided to razz up a 3 way date and i went along for the ride. We took the three aesthetically pleasing female humans out for a coffee and movies. The car ride home was overwhelmed with hideous write offs mainly directed at Shawn "sleep creeper" Macauly for creeping out when his gf Aliesha was asleep. I heard several calls from the drivers seat of Aleisha bleating " ehhh shawn im trying to sleep get away from my ear"...

Lance Clifford: - The South oz turned south coast local took us on a journey to find some waves. Like most swells we ended up back at pipe to some fun 3-4ft cross shore conditions. Lance has also changed his status on facebook.. apparently now to "in a relationship".. woot wooh.. just thought the world should know.

Brand New 4 play Mattick For sale: - STILL IN WRAPPER

2009 model 4PLAY MATTICK signature model 40"

Dark blue deck and rails, "fancy blue" pin, SILVERRRR slick.

perfect for getting some hell barrels at cyclops or wateva tickles your fancy.

perfect for the kids!!!!

MAKE AN OFFER to jonglanvillephotography@hotmail.c

The Hazlehoff and one mega East swell

MITCHELL HAZELTON: - Mitchell "the hoff" hazleton wow what a lady killer... The kid was spotted earlier this morning strutting his stuff with two young ladies under each arm, no doubt walking back from a Banana smoothie mission at the local bakery. Numerous sources also quote mitch as saying "ohh yer fellas i was thinking about it the other day and i kinda worked out that im a bit of a man slut". Keep that ego sky high Hazlehoff we love it :) On another note mitch has been trowing some heat in the water too, loveing those verts and says hes headed to Eddies for the upcoming swell on the w.e with Worrowing heights rippo jack mcaz.

EAST SWELL: - WOOOOAhhhhhhhh hold onto your proverbial frontits everyone.. finnaly a decent swell to hit our shores... lets hope its not another hoax. Adrian Harper/stone will reakons hes got some secro wedges up on the north shore for us all to chek out but i think the fellas will be staying locally around culburras hot spots.

w.e bender..

Jackson's Birthday: - Friday night was an absolute smash hit with all the fellas rocking out in the Brown household to some bangin slim shady tunes whilst in the warmest winter attire. We officially celebrated the final day of winter in style with op shop clothing, scarfs and the odd beverage or two. Everyone later headed to the pub to carry on the night even further.. unfortunatly i was unlucky and didnt find a spring girlfriend as of yet.. spewin. But big congrats to Milly, kirrily, jords and damo who all managed to find someone to hook up with at the pub..

Liberteen Ranch: - the ranch was pumping once again with all the rock pigs out in full force leather jackets in one hand and red wine in the other ofcourse. Katesy's face and body was all over the castroes wall for all to see and left nothing to the imagination literally. Everyone was loving it and the Jezzabels rocked the joint. Morgan hives had himself a great time in between pashing x girlfriends and smoking ciggies with shane domio.